AHAHAHAHHAH CLOSE BUT NO. Evidently the curriculum isn't quiiiite heterosexist enough to force everyone into neat little hermetically sealed units of American-Dreamed Family Bliss. HOWEVER, we were all given cards with numbers and the instruction to shake hands with whoever we wanted. ARE YOU SEEIN MUH HEALTH TEACHER'S EUPHEMISTIC GENIUS? Tragically, this was our introduction to sex ed, and the day before we'd covered boring ol' non-sexually transmitted infectious diseases, so I figured this activity was nothing more than a titillating exploration of PATHOGEEEEENS. Which is TRAGIC because if I'd've figured out we were all fucking (and some people got shiny shiny STDs! and everyone they fucked got STDs too!), I WOULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH MORE OBNOXIOUS YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
...except for the part where I was given the card that said "don't shake hands with anyone!" Yes. Yes, I was highlighted as a glowing exemplar of CELIBACY :D :D :D. Which was so so great because she was all, "SO, WHAT METHODS DID YOU USE TO DEFLECT 'HAND-SHAKING' LOLZ ME SO CLEVER~~~~"
And I was all, "I was INSULTING and BELLIGERENT and I even slapped my friend :D :D :D :D"
And she was all, "LOLZ THAT DOES NOT SOUND VERY POSITIVE! DID YOU STILL MANAGE TO HAVE AN OVERALL POSITIVE EXPERIENCE???"
And I was all, "NO. I felt like less of a human, and my soul was so sad that even Jesus could not save me from THE PITS OF SEXLESS DESPAAAAAIR. BUT NO DESPAIR CAN END MY ABSTINENCE! I'M DOIN' IT FOR JEEEEESUS!"
"...THAT IS ENOUGH FROM YOU YOU CAN SIT DOWN NOW."
Uh. Don't my tales re: my immaturity enhance your life? YES THEY DO.
Omg omg BUT EVEN THAT WASN'T AS AMUSING AS THE TWO HOMOPHOBIC-EST DUDES WINDING UP AS THE "MONOGAMOUS COUPLE." Or they were supposed to be, but they didn't listen to their cards and were ~*~INTREPIDLY WANTON~*~ with 489723847284 other dudes. THAT WAS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY ENTIRE HIGH SCHOOL CAREER THUS FAR.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2009-01-31 11:09 pm (UTC)...except for the part where I was given the card that said "don't shake hands with anyone!" Yes. Yes, I was highlighted as a glowing exemplar of CELIBACY :D :D :D. Which was so so great because she was all, "SO, WHAT METHODS DID YOU USE TO DEFLECT 'HAND-SHAKING' LOLZ ME SO CLEVER~~~~"
And I was all, "I was INSULTING and BELLIGERENT and I even slapped my friend :D :D :D :D"
And she was all, "LOLZ THAT DOES NOT SOUND VERY POSITIVE! DID YOU STILL MANAGE TO HAVE AN OVERALL POSITIVE EXPERIENCE???"
And I was all, "NO. I felt like less of a human, and my soul was so sad that even Jesus could not save me from THE PITS OF SEXLESS DESPAAAAAIR. BUT NO DESPAIR CAN END MY ABSTINENCE! I'M DOIN' IT FOR JEEEEESUS!"
"...THAT IS ENOUGH FROM YOU YOU CAN SIT DOWN NOW."
Uh. Don't my tales re: my immaturity enhance your life? YES THEY DO.
Omg omg BUT EVEN THAT WASN'T AS AMUSING AS THE TWO HOMOPHOBIC-EST DUDES WINDING UP AS THE "MONOGAMOUS COUPLE." Or they were supposed to be, but they didn't listen to their cards and were ~*~INTREPIDLY WANTON~*~ with 489723847284 other dudes. THAT WAS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY ENTIRE HIGH SCHOOL CAREER THUS FAR.
(LONG COMMENT IS LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!)